Lessons In Explorative Familiarity

by Xander Rollins

	/

Streaming + Download

Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

Purchasable with gift card

$5 USD or more

1.	AOF [Intro] (free) 00:29		download
2.	The Spiritual Girls of Sleepy Hollow 00:23	lyrics	buy track
A half-decade since the last bone was roasted Unknown whether the dead truly still lie below A beautiful park in the heart of an historic basin suburb Surrounded by palm trees and well-maintained colonial homes Chaperoning our early morning park bench rendezvous I'd do anything for the spiritual girls of sleepy hollow
3.	Fiending for Another Chance 00:37	lyrics	buy track
Shirtless in bed with the fan on Didn't want no ice water drop on my full belly Spent hours making tacos Spent minutes reading Shot down her request to go cuddle I'm still traumatized from my trip to the grocery store A father held his young daughters hand as they crossed the street She had the purest, childlike grin On this most humid of summer afternoons While a man sitting on the ledge behind her uncomfortably rocked back and forth Eyes staring emptily out at nothing Gripping his knees Fiending for another chance The rains came down later And I hope he did too
4.	Les Rideaux de l'été 00:21	lyrics	buy track
Another summer closing This one too calm Much room for growth Yet no action taken Still, I breathe in the spores of confidence Let them germinate within me and burst from my pores Allowing me to become the person I envision Because contentment is an illusion But I can control the curtains
5.	Shipwreck 00:25	lyrics	buy track
I think it's glorious how we all gave up on our sprightly dreams Sold our eager-eyed whimsy for mediocrity and boredom A fortuitous time, arriving at the docks For the security of a steady ship Sailing out into the distance Waiting to find whatever it is meant to find This is how it's supposed to be Maybe I can jump off and swim for distant land Or just remember what it's like to feel a fleeting moment of enthusiastic hope I wonder...
6.	Birthday Seven 00:31	lyrics	buy track
Heading home to briefly sleep with ghosts Six years since senior year Not much to show for it We're all progressing in our own ways Used to listen to Such Gold Now I listen to Autumnal My mom used to live up the street from Mikey's We talked life and Quoow The night we drank 4 Lokos on the rocks And took pisses staring into the backyard he celebrated his 7 year birthday in I've still got much to improve on To look forward to But the check engine light is on And I can't help staring at my rearview mirror
7.	Arms for Oars 00:27	lyrics	buy track
Bring on the November floods So I can use these arms for oars Life here is so intentionally comfortable That we almost look forward to the small circumstances that may derail us Oh, to know the cost of our country's oblivious ease The blood and tears spilt in the global south So that I can place my head down on this pillowcase And listen to the rain splash onto the cement outside Not bothered by greater necessity The apple pie rests on the windowsill
8.	Bordertown 00:17	lyrics	buy track
Bordertown vilified Cocaine roulette Better than most places though I haven't been this motivated since Jesus' election Yvette's on deck, she's got the directions Snacks in the attic Cooking up that funk Baptized monk Monster truck
9.	EOBT 00:25	lyrics	buy track
I got drunk to visit you Butterflies ingesting my caution Excitement in every pore But we never made contact You texted to apologize And said "if this was three years ago..." I wish it was I played the first Citizen record that they handed out in line At Warped Tour 2013 And drove home waxing drunk on the melancholies of youth
10.	Milt Jackson 00:25	lyrics	buy track
My love for her is calming Like sixties jazz piano On a rainy December night She has the softest, warmest hands this side of the Colorado That's a guarantee And wide-aperture eyes that smolder in your memory Like spring flowers on the dining room centerpiece Her mind is a charming whip And the thought of her rests on my heart That lovely digital flâneur
11.	Vibrant Christmas Girls 00:21	lyrics	buy track
Pissed under the orange tree beneath a midnight moon Stuck in an emotionless DM thread again Oh boy, flirty pussy The vibrant Christmas girls have eyes on other presents And have no embers ablaze for my lonely, longing spirit I've let the gifts I once held near wander off for better tidings I always do it to myself
12.	T-Shirt Delivery on Carpeted Stairs 00:25	lyrics	buy track
It's mind, body, and hole You didn't hear that from me Back on my bullshit with that cryptic emo poetry Pondering on whether I'll ever wash my sheets again Shoutout [redacted] That's a secret though Real hoes never get cold But maybe that's just San Diego The chores keep piling up And I keep grinding down Gotta put my phone away, I say Gotta put my phone away
13.	Albuquerque Sunrise 00:32	lyrics	buy track
Cruising along highway 40 Father in the backseat barks out orders to avoid frozen puddles that do not exist Kristine sends me her flirty goodnight message As snow flurries begin to lightly kiss the paved desert earth Bob Dylan and "I Hate Surfing in Huntington Beach" Dance out from the speakers We pull into Tucumcari for gas The Love's cashier is in jovial spirits as he shakes his head at the frustrated woman Who exits through the swinging glass door and into the cold night sky It's 4am We push onwards towards an Albuquerque sunrise
14.	Scrying Pane 00:24	lyrics	buy track
The scheme always changes But the pursuit never dies Posing for a friend Staring into a tiny aperture with those perfect eyes In a park on a sunny winter's day Golden hour grass seen through rose colored glasses I miss you through the scrying pane of my phone screen But for what I don't know A double tap and a scroll to the next My mind refreshes I want the moon to eat me
15.	Perfect Tan 00:20	lyrics	buy track
Admiring the pine trees On the night drive home from work I should get a rat tattoo for my twenty fifth In honor of the Chinese zodiac And then I can get a horse in 2050 If I even live that long Oh the collective fatalist nature of our country's youth I crash my car while daydreaming of your perfect tanned tits
16.	Visage of an Old Man 00:36	lyrics	buy track
Every night when I drive home from work I look to my left at the second to last stop sign And see the shadow of a light post But it always startles me As I believe it to be the visage of an old man Standing alone at 2am in winter Dressed in black blazer and a top hat I want to see his eyes I want to know his secrets But I lay in bed and ponder on about this nonexistent man As I fall asleep to the whirr of the old refrigerator And the padded footsteps rumbling across the carpet floor above And the unsynchronized symphony of a jacket in the dryer Singing click, click, click...
17.	The Art of Folly [Interlude] (free) 00:19		download
18.	Shaved Ankles in Highwaters 00:35	lyrics	buy track
You're the weeds growing in my front yard following a week's worth of rain You're the generic tree-shaped air freshener hung on the mirror to mask the scent of damp carpet in the back You're a shot of satire And a ball of spite You're the rabbit who scampered across the road just now And the trash I scraped off the floor to shove into the console on the day I drove you to the airport You're bad breakfasts and dirty jokes and the scent of jasmine when it blooms so fragrantly in the springtime I want to prominently display your wit on a pedestal The memory of your tiny fists and shaved ankles in high waters won't leave my head And I just wanna know why...
19.	Rainy Bedsheet Ghost 00:19	lyrics	buy track
The melatonin bottle is almost empty Window cracked slightly to let the sound of 1am rain waltz in With the Earth rejuvenated I rediscovered the meaning was meaningless And took comfort in the monotonous pace of chaos I'm looking forward to finding her at the airport I hope she spits in my mouth
20.	Hibiscus Health Insurance 00:43	lyrics	buy track
Today I exchanged colloquial pleasantries with the man at the drive thru I did pushups and fantasized about hummingbirds, hibiscus, and perfect breasts The wood floor was cold against my chest The hummingbirds have nowhere to drink Our clay soil needs amending according to a pale Canadian on YouTube It took me an hour before I realized I forgot to put my cozy socks on I read sixty five year old words from Ginsberg About shooting semen in cemeteries And sewing your seeds wherever you so may please Got up with chest pains and self-medicated I thought I was over this I never even called to enroll into my health insurance I'll figure it out when I need to And dream of tropical blooms and bursts of orgasmic color in the time in between
21.	Drive Thru Thoughts 00:33	lyrics	buy track
Funny how the seasons change so quickly When you have nothing else to pay attention to All events cancelled or on hold Until society can recover The rains came and then they left Gil's preseason list of pennant winners lays on the desk unbothered The Reds woulda won the NL Central That's my hot take There are no nice cars in this Popeye's drive thru Vibrant green ivy peaks out from the stone wall above The Taiwanese community center blocks the evening sun from cascading onto these barrel cacti I wonder who waters them...
22.	Passed on the Second Bouquet 00:35	lyrics	buy track
Didn't cop that bouquet today Because I deemed it too expensive Thinking about where I stand with you Has got me feeling apprehensive Work and class for a man of the working class Supplemented by rent and a global pandemic Among other responsibilities While I spend a Sunday shoveling dirt And admiring the progress of miniature palm trees That's a mouthful And my mouth's full With a tongue that still doesn't know how to speak If I keep this up, well I'll be fucked Because I'll have already reached my peak But I'm 25 and still alive And have many years left to go So I'll strive for growth as I write this oath I'm someone I'd better like to know
23.	Chicano Vivisepulture 00:26	lyrics	buy track
Stay wholesome Stay lovely Listening to the new Chicano Batman Anniversary of robbing the crib Still not sure how I feel about that Never been one to process much Thinking less and less every year Until I become a jellyfish Drunkenly infatuated tonight with Pacific Island woman Gonna go shovel compost in six hours And practice my vivisepulture The bouquet in the kitchen looks nice
24.	Five Dollar Beers 00:27	lyrics	buy track
Sad beers by my lonesome Listening to the new Jeff Rosenstock He seems fun I wanna be like him But it's a Thursday In state-sponsored isolation So I sip this five dollar beer And celebrate the life of Jonathan Yost Last we spoke was outside of the Burger King Your quiet confidence and reassuring groundedness was uplifting The last we'll ever speak The Corolla you rode in gathers dirt in the driveway But that will soon be gone as well
25.	Vin Scully 00:23	lyrics	buy track
Made love to the car crash girl Snapped the "Covid Curse" The thermostat on the alarm clock read 69 So we did what it said It was my first time Wine drunk in June Dreaming about the voice of Vin Scully There's no baseball this season And life is devoid of purpose So throw it all away Enjoy the follies of spontaneous fancy Here's to the next one!
26.	Mulignana 00:45	lyrics	buy track
Hadn't seen my dad in months So I drove up to give him a loquat sapling for Father's Day Our brains perpetually racked with generationally repressed emotions That play themselves out in many different forms But things went well Pops told me that my grandfather would have been very impressed with my garden But also would have likely been at the Trump rally in Tulsa that weekend had he been alive That idiot Throw in a racist anecdote about Angelo equating Africans to eggplant And after a lengthy meal it was time to go The lights were off at the liquor store On the Southwest corner of the strip mall Where Mills meets Telegraph and turns into Florence I had never seen that before A homeless man slept on a cement bench at the bus stop There were no lamplights and it was unusually still and peaceful I had tears in my eyes I don't know why
27.	"I Love To Listen To This Guy" [Outro Pt. 1] (free) 25:09		download
28.	"I Love To Listen To This Guy" [Outro Pt. 2] (free) 25:20		download
29.	"I Love To Listen To This Guy" [Outro Pt. 3] (free) 25:55		download

about

Recorded and produced on the unceded lands of the Kumeyaay people

~ ~ ~

The intro is for fun.

The interlude is to separate pre and post covid eras in documenting my mental headspace

The outro is to get ya to wake up and smell the decaying corruption that dominates our lived realities. Take action, friends.

~ ~ ~

Track #1 [Intro] - Sample taken from Alexisonfire's 2019 Basement Show at The House of Strombo in Toronto, ON

Track #17 [Interlude] - Sample taken from UK Mini Series "The Art of Foley" Episode #1

Tracks #27 - #29 [Outro] - Recorded lecture taken from Professor Richard D. Wolff's 2015 "The Game Is Rigged" talk at Occidental College in Los Angeles, CA

~ ~ ~

Poems written from:
7/7/19 - 7/13/20