Overthinking & Underachieving [Re-Recorded]

by Xander Rollins

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1.	Late Summer / Early Fall 00:30	lyrics	buy track
The crisp air bends its wings back Over the crest of my lips As I tilt my head back and breathe Tonight feels like fall. And under the overwhelming circumstance of the seasonal monstrosity Strung with blooming flowers Unlike the dying we embrace at the turn of the calendar This is fine. Engulfing the cold, wrapped in a sweater Eyes peeled across the dim lit table in the garage where we just sat Coughing and laughing at nature's breeze Welcome to late summer. Early fall.
2.	Assault The Vagabond 00:14	lyrics	buy track
Assault the vagabond Ingest the palm fronds I'm sick of guessing which side Of the dotted line you're on Next batter, follow through Bowl over the summer crew Murdered stuffed animals With just a few loose screws
3.	Garnica 00:17	lyrics	buy track
Complimenting her in the mirror The words bounce off and break into shards Beautiful reflections of angelic skin and native eyes She has made herself into a work of fiction A Spanish lush in the romantic arts Piece her together and fall in love again
4.	Hike 00:19	lyrics	buy track
Early Autumn morning Uncomfortable heat from the waxing creep of the Southern California sunrise Reciprocal drunk summer flirtations Youthful beauty ceaselessly blooming from you But how I wished other substances coated my car that day Besides the earth from your shoes
5.	Iwa's 00:32	lyrics	buy track
When Iwa's closed it's heavy Japanese doors to future customers I felt a part inside of me die The photo of my father on a magazine cover Lays glass-cracked in a landfill beyond the hills A former marker of success We used to frequent this suburban sushi bar off the boulevard The strip mall tucked behind a gas station Held my brother My mother My father together Now, all lives isolated in disarray Symbolic forwarded message re: the official death of youthful privilege What I make with my worth will be my own
6.	Hypothetical Milk Theory 00:25	lyrics	buy track
I’ve got a notice of eviction On this edition Subscription: Fishin’ for submission You’re missin’ the pig skin Of your pigment The ligament is shaky They take me All hand-outs, no maybes Most normal White typhoid turtle hurtled and curdled The pitter-patter peacefully puddled And the tie dye night sky sight pie Pimp limped it’s drone home Unknown in gnome chrome
7.	Fall Remissions 00:17	lyrics	buy track
I thought about you While sitting high on the steps At a suburban park after a show I thought about you Drunk While listening to the Menzingers And dreamed about nothing Fall remissions I relapse every year
8.	Quaker Town 00:18	lyrics	buy track
The best years of my youth Were spent driving high Through the peaceful streets of my sleepy suburban Quaker town Listening to post-hardcore with the windows down I have now truly epitomized my youth But the heart of that chapter is nearing it's end My heart remains as empty as my room
9.	Dread Shed 00:20	lyrics	buy track
The spectre defector busted a nut in the cut hut And draining dropping dioxide deft dwellers Synthesized our sins in a Siamese sequence But the Kingdom Kathari keeps killin' the kite knights In bright lights that fight sights Of everything abnormal or formal The dorm hole is too small To drape onto our dread shed foreheads
10.	Childhood Self 00:24	lyrics	buy track
Thinking back remembering all the memories you've stitched into the walls of this home The childhood names you gave common household objects The games you'd play with your brother The countless nights you stared at the reflection of the street light onto the side of the wall Placing footsteps onto the soft carpet I'm tuning in Hello, childhood self I've missed you
11.	Degausser 00:21	lyrics	buy track
Who is to say what truly is the diverging path? Both stretch between snow-covered maples Sap twisted and frozen waiting helplessly for the first sign of spring There are yellow fangs gnawing at the imagined taste of my hollowed bones Eyes patiently gleaming outside of my frosted Canadian window But all I can do is breathe
12.	Flower Petal Jib 00:17	lyrics	buy track
Spelling errors only occur in English Your death is but two syllables And I'm a homeless man living inside a box See how easy it is to dream Just follow your nose into the flower petal chain Laced around her head like a summer crown Gorgeous isn't she?
13.	The Last Cigarette 00:31	lyrics	buy track
I've written about you here countless times before But this time was different Listening to you open up about repressed memories As the sound of your voice climbed and fell in peaceful lament A constant ebb and flow of beauty I watched your lips protrude from your face like the smooth curbs that line the sidewalk A long sleeve crimson USC sweater coated your tanned arms And I sat there shivering in stunned silence "Hey, if it ever happens, let's just move past it" I fell for you with that last cigarette
14.	Tunnels 00:29	lyrics	buy track
Adaptive prose Post-articulated Past tense winter broke your heart As the days grew jaded Told acquaintances The light was too dim Full moon sequences Bounced back off the rim City bus grime Chapped lips sat riding The holes in worn factory shoes Kept you on the time minding Saved all the old ticket stubs For her as a gift Internal warmth in the subways Your paths would soon drift Into the darkness From streets up above Cold hands in barren pockets Kissed farewell to new love
15.	Next Stop Reality 00:27	lyrics	buy track
Sky breech disingenuous Breaking records is strenuous Bit lips. Poison is venomous Peripheral looks from closed eyes are always contemptuous Adventurous. Chess piece society Hire me. Early twenties anxiety Equality is a hypocrisy Cuz America over-hypes individuality Blink eyes and swallow Who do we pray to now? Dear Apolo Same old, same old. Wake up tomorrow Profiteering turns Midas hearts hollow
16.	Pen The New Address 00:15	lyrics	buy track
One to many trips to the coffee store Aguilar I drowned myself in cigarettes And watched my mother pour her eyes out on Christmas morning The world came crashing down upon our shoulders I pause every time I pen the new address
17.	Overtook My Dosage 00:16	lyrics	buy track
Overtook my dosage Cure this hypnosis Take a seat on the bench Next to where the coach sits Words misquoted You looked who wrote it Took a second glance And my love exploded Duly noted A parchment vote and I nibbled at the bit Until we both corroded
18.	Casket Rats 00:16	lyrics	buy track
Can I get a piece of that? Ghost lips relapse Caricature horse In the back of a Porsche I'm depressedly drunk A lifelong slump Spent hiding in the bushes Wazzzzup! Cock slapped as a midnight snack Fictitious fact casket rats
19.	Lunch Lines 00:39	lyrics	buy track
Lunch lines Excitingly texting friends about their semester schedules Smoking joints in the nature park on Friday nights Before driving to the football game To sit blown in the student section Pool parties with ASB kids And all their artsy pretentions Making out in the back seat of a car At an elementary school parking lot With the girl your friend would one day call his Uptown movies Walks to the yogurt store And skirting sheepishly around family parties Weekday swim practice And fantasizing about the pretty girl in US History Drunk parties and NOZ tanks Black cat on the front porch on a November night I threw up in a trashcan And slept 'til noon The sun has set but there's a high school moon
20.	Sinister Marketing 00:09	lyrics	buy track
I made my bed in the dark As you stabbed at my heart And target marketed children For small hazards and choking parts
21.	Loma 00:10	lyrics	buy track
Her smoothest lines Are cliche quotes from movies I've already seen But it still doesn't help the fact That I can't afford the air I breathe
22.	Tartare 00:24	lyrics	buy track
I jacked off to gay poetry It's a part of me The heart is free Locked away in an unused state My mind's irate I can't relate To the walls people build up rough Enough's not enough Look me in the eye and call my bluff And see what I'm still hiding Time's winding truth's binding I'm burying answers others are still finding Still I lack the passion Travelling in nomadic fashion She was the bowl I dumped my ash in
23.	Osprey 00:16	lyrics	buy track
Cast my soul into oblivion Cold coal For I am the osprey gazing out Across the rocks Wishing for a penny to drop down Into my well Youthful yearning Flourishing so bright But into nothing We are not who we tell ourselves to be
24.	K (Haiku) 00:07	lyrics	buy track
Told her I was sick She pressed her lips to the pipe A college romance
25.	Tree City 00:22	lyrics	buy track
I broke bread with the mess you created Heather pattern melted facial sunset jaded Swept the floors til dawn broke through Pill swallowed dirt like it was nothing new Arrested thoughts from a pen gone dry Stole body heat from beneath drunken skies I looked up; swollen teeth and stress gone tensile And watched the trees shroud your body like a vicarious stencil
26.	Sad Why Pt. II 00:17	lyrics	buy track
We used to lay on my bed And play board games No love stains You liked when I played Toh Kay On those summer days Your cousin came over before your aunt passed away That time we took a photo on the street drunk with José But I still blame myself for letting you get away
27.	Loneliness Is My Godsend 00:19	lyrics	buy track
I gave her the first taste My drunk disgrace Yesterday she asked to take another place In my bed But I said These thoughts have pulsed through my head And with convictions concluded Through which clarity protruded I put your urges on mute and I'll swim to the deep end Cuz that's where I feel most comfortable Loneliness is my godsend
28.	Pan Dulce 00:16	lyrics	buy track
Snapchats left unopened from the brunette with brown eyes Like faucets running in empty sinks My love is draining from within me I wilt before her vacant gaze With no sign of remorse I reflect back my own image But it is not myself whom I desire
29.	Sun West 00:16	lyrics	buy track
Illustrated Colored in yellow lines With a familiar smile And the taste of pure love Under an open breath Of familiarity We watched them Hover above the lakeside Whispering dreams Into the other's ear On a quiet summer afternoon
30.	Lost Town 00:25	lyrics	buy track
This town is a hollow shell Time did tell Now my memories grow stagnant in the well No connections with old circles I used to run in I guess home's no longer where the fun is And it's such a shame To watch you play that game Bikini season selfies to prove you're a shapely dame Fuckboy lames, they can't see through the haze My homies pack bowls like an elaborate maze It's a labyrinth of sorts in this summer phase But I refuse to pass the time here and waste my days
31.	As The Sun Dips Behind The Palm Trees 01:27	lyrics	buy track
Sitting in my car Perched on a tranquil hill Outside of the pink apartment complex I'm waiting for a stranger to walk out of So he can sell me his sunglasses I stare at an old man He opens the sliding gate With the electronic remote stashed inside his car He parks and opens the door Sporting baggy green pants reminiscent of a generation past His back curved and head low He slowly trudges to the mailbox Searching for letters from childhood friends he met in the 40s Or postcards from his grandchildren All the while longing for a time back when his body espoused youth His smile was crisp His skin golden A charming American smile That he used to flash at the girls on the beach Wearing their colorful summer dresses His sexual appetite never waned As his body crumbled The man selling me his glasses comes out to the car He's African American We embrace with the affectionate greeting Learned in public school Loose handshake, turned sideways And then pull in close for a casual hug between strangers He tells me treat them with respect I promise I will and pay him his money They don't fit my face well I drive down the hill and find a parking spot in a strip mall Where I would finish this poem I watch as a man semi-aggressively forces an attractive pregnant woman out of the driver's seat of her car He attempts to parallel park on the street adjacent to me But bumps into the car behind him I hear the crunch of the front bumper And watch with eager eyes He takes a moment before reconsidering And drives back up the hill As the sun dips behind the palm trees
32.	Butter Socks 00:13	lyrics	buy track
Butter socks Knocks twice For thrice rice With mice ice Christ, Spoon fed Brain dead She said, he said Basement of bio med Keyed car That got far Stoner bar Hard 'R'
33.	Kinsella Come Save Me 00:12	lyrics	buy track
My heart! A top! Spin it at oncoming traffic! My pet Jack's jet pack Malfunctioned And now I'm stuck here High as noon Kinsella come save me
34.	Butterfly 00:13	lyrics	buy track
Perfection all the way down Her love is my loose end A butterfly in a jar Never aging But yet I don't have the hands To hold her
35.	Ashgoth 00:20	lyrics	buy track
Turning the calendar as the mirror's neutral stare Counts days while the youth slowly drains from my face I've been present among ghosts Shadows casting their shapes along empty hallway walls I would befriend them if I had the time I didn't know this life was mine
36.	Rumi Oak Tree 00:26	lyrics	buy track
If you invest so much time into people you deem worthless Why do you refuse to invest time in yourself? You are your own Oak tree Growing tall amongst the grass A human whisper carefully placed within the universe Let tired worries go and carry out your heart beat No one bars entrance to the path but yourself Fulfillment is its own reward And it is just around the corner
37.	Strange Man 00:19	lyrics	buy track
Strange man, dark and brooding Too many late night hours spent piano tuning The Bella Donna's late in her calculated sleuthing The name was unlisted during diligent phone boothing Self-loathing, it could only get one so far A tasteless drop of poison at the neighborhood bar
38.	Prawn vs Kingfisher 00:27	lyrics	buy track
I drove the September shade kissed roads And played my way through Such Gold's lengthy hidden discography As is the Autumn tradition when visiting my suburban hometown The dog rests beneath the front porch As I reflect back on navigational methods used to meander through Uptown's serenity Drifting past streets that seem to be lined with only Italian restaurants and barber shops I made my way to the house we sold I can never sit on those steps again
39.	Wild Card 00:21	lyrics	buy track
The mild pusocto Got copped with the glock so Hard radiating like shards Of shredded Christmas cards Over the kitchen table This isn't a fable My mind is willing but the body ain't able To scrape you for the spot where you sit Take a bite of that katkit I ain't no dimwit Fit off the lit I spit From mitt to pit The ball was hit Go get it
40.	Aspen 00:22	lyrics	buy track
Psychedelic jazz on the Aspen tree Took a tab of that rock stuff Too stoned to fondue the moon Or jump back flips Dissected intelligence Carved from subterranean bushery Orange bubbles that serve as clocks Subtract mathematics and reduce time It's the only way to visualize straight Crafted anew, we begin to escape
41.	Octobers in San Diego 00:27	lyrics	buy track
Front yard yoga mats Nestled behind the broken rope swing With a cat who saunters amidst plants Reflecting self-perceived affluence With just the flick of his tail He knows he's rich But it's this sleepy suburban beach community An old money cove Where I smoke this pipe The size of my thumb Opposite two kindred souls And think of how I'll miss the Octobers in San Diego

about

Student of Jon Mess' Amateur Academy of the Esoteric and Orotund.

Arcane and melancholic poetry written between July 2015 and October 2016.

This is a re-recorded version of my first release complete with lyrics and new cover art.

Recorded January 2019 in Clairemont, CA.

Cover photo taken in May 2018 outside of a restaurant in New Buffalo, Michigan.